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uncomfortable

I enjoy a good physical challenge...I CRAVE them. I love to get uncomfortable, squirm a little. Use my legs and lungs until they burn. My favorite feeling is being completely exhausted at the end of the day--drained by the sun, muscles achy, skin scraped, crumple onto the bed and fall fast asleep--TIRED. ⁣

Drop me a million miles from anywhere with a pack of gummy bears and watch me head off into the horizon with a smile on my face. I’m happiest when I’m in my physical body. ⁣

But the mind…⁣

...it can be a tricky place to be sometimes. I’d much rather climb over, crawl under, shimmy around and dangle off a rope to conquer my obstacles. This is easier than sitting still and trying to untwist problems in my mind, knotted together like a delicate chain. ⁣

These last two months have done a number on my brain (yours too?) My physical body has been in it’s element. Running, biking, hours turn to days in the garden. Chopping, stirring, mixing, hands busy creating in the kitchen. Always moving, every limb.⁣

But the mind…⁣

...the constant wrestle with the he said, she said. My way, your way. Right vs wrong. Do it this way, don’t do it that way. Swimming through so much grey area, when I just want to go back to my world of color. ⁣

So I move.⁣

I run. I run and run and try to sort the worries into different piles, like laundry waiting to be washed. ⁣

I drop seeds into the ground and meticulously pull weeds, hypnotized by the repeated motions, trying to untangle the chain. ⁣

But the worries and the tangles and piles don’t move. I can’t climb or run or jump around them--I am slowly realizing this. For now, there is no summit. No route to navigate, no sign pointing me in the right direction towards a giant plate of nachos at the end of an adventure.⁣

So I try my best to be still, and sit with it all in the mornings. Piles piling like they do, chains waiting to be untangled. I close my eyes, go to my deepest corners, and listen. What feels right today? What can I do in all of this grey area? ⁣

I can’t untangle the chain just yet, but I CAN learn how to wear it. It feels uncomfortable, I squirm a little. Pass the gummy bears, I think I can do this.⁣

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